Only You
by sanadayuina
Summary: Rin always looks at him—longing to be his number one. He knows it's something impossible because his number one is Haruka. Even though he does know and understand that, he still couldn't let go of his feelings.


Summary: Rin always looks at him—longing to be his number one. He knows it's something impossible because his number one is Haruka. Even though he does know and understand that, he still couldn't let go of his feelings.

Pairing: MakoRin, MakoHaru (both possibly ending one-sided, one way or another)

Rated: T

Genre: Hurt-Comfort, Romance

Warning: Grammar Errors, absurd ending, (somewhat) pointless story, I-don't-even-know-the-plot, possible OOC-ness, and warning for this story in general.

Disclaimer: I do not own this series.

Beta Reader: FioraLee Yue

Quick note: Written in a rush, also a rushed ending because I didn't remember what else I wanted to write. Please do forgive any awkwardness in this story because I didn't give it my all m(_ _)m

_**Only You**_

_**~~Because, even though you will never love me, I will always love you~~**_

.

For Rin, that calm and serene smile has always been his reason to keep coming back to him.

.

For Rin, his feelings for Tachibana Makoto is not something that happened so suddenly. It was not a revelation that shocked him either. Nor that it is a love of first sight. Truth is, the revelation of his affection actually started with jealousy.

His feeling was something that grew slowly yet with certainty-that grew since they first meet. Little by little. Little by little. Small smiles here and there, small things that usually went unnoticeable. Everything just came to Rin and when one day, he realized that the feeling was love—he was unable to feel truly surprised or feel denial. He simply accepted it.

Sure, it had him taken aback even just for a little—but due to the nature of his realization, it was more like he was slapped and then forced to swallow without chewing first, the truth that had actually always been there in front of him.

That day he was just a mere boy—just barely twelve years of age. A happy, if not ambitious, freestyle and butterfly stroke swimmer of Iwatobi Swimming Club with a big dream of becoming an Olympic Athlete. Merely a boy who loves swimming with his friends. A boy with a certain rival that he was fond of and considered one of his best friends. A boy who laughed and played happily with his equally happy friends.

Or so, he was supposed to be.

Until Makoto's shaking shoulder told him that it was never going to be the same ever again.

"Makoto?" he asked, in which Makoto only smiled forcefully at him—the usually cheerful older boy seemed scared at something that Rin wasn't aware of.

"I am fine," Makoto answered, assuring Rin that there was really nothing for him to worry.

But Rin was not fooled—he knew there was something wrong and he wanted to know what. It hurt him to see Makoto looked broken. Looking scared. He looked as if he would faint anytime soon. He didn't like it because Makoto is supposed to smile. To laugh. To be strong. Because that look simply did not suit Makoto.

But against his judgment, Rin decided not to pursue further. He would know later. He always would. After all, he was Makoto's friend and Makoto was unable to keep secrets from Rin, Haru, and Nagisa. _Especially Haru_. Haruka who always stayed silently beside Makoto—just like that day. Just like in the past. Just like in the future.

Grinning at Makoto, Rin then said, "Okay—lets swim together!"

"Rin!"

Haruka's unusually sharp voice made Rin froze in his motion—in which he reached out to tug Makoto inside to the swimming pool. The brownish red-haired boy then turned at the furious looking Haruka who was holding the trembling hand of Makoto tightly in his own—something protective shone on the shorter boy's blue eyes. And for the first time, Rin noticed that Makoto was not just scared—he was terrified of something.

"Makoto," Rin said suddenly, surprised when he saw how the droopy green-eyed boy pressed himself further and proceeded to hide behind Haruka at the same time. "Makoto, what's wrong?"

"Drop it, Rin," Haruka said, his hand still holding Makoto's tightly. "We are not going to swim today—we just came to inform the coach that we will take some time off. Makoto will."

"Haru-chan…" Makoto whispered. "You don't need to—"

"Makoto. Shut up."

And that day, Rin had come to an encounter with the feeling known as jealousy and realized that his feeling towards the older and taller boy went much further than he first thought.

.

_It was scary._

Rin always knew that Makoto and Haruka were close. They were childhood friends, and still are. They were _always_ together. Makoto understood Haruka more than anyone else and Haruka understood Makoto more than any other person was able too.

And it made Rin felt _envious_.

It was clear from the start that he will never able to replace Haruka for Makoto or the other way around. There wasn't even any romantic feelings between them—they were just _irreplaceable_ for each other. There was a bond that won't be broken no matter what happened. Won't be severed.

The one who was beside Makoto is Haruka—and the one who always stayed beside Haruka is Makoto.

Rin was just someone who cling tightly on Haruka—trying to force his way on their bond—or at least that was what Rin had always believed.

Rin knew that it wasn't true. He knew that Makoto and Haruka both saw him as important friend. Just like how they saw Nagisa. But just like that. He was special for them, just like how Nagisa was special to the three of them. But for Makoto, Haruka is someone far more special and vice versa.

That day, when he finally realized his feeling for Makoto—he also understood that he won't be able to surpass Haruka. He will always stayed as a friend for Makoto, just like Nagisa.

Because, the one Makoto clung on to is not Rin.

It was always Haruka.

_Always Haruka._

.

Rin first noticed Makoto as someone who always hang around Haruka—the fastest swimmer in Iwatobi Swimming Club. Rin's first thought of Makoto is that the taller boy was kind. Rin's first feeling for Makoto was that he will be a good friend.

He hang around with them. Getting close to Haruka and Makoto then with Nagisa. He liked them—he genuinely liked them. It's them who always made it so fun. It was never boring with the four of them together.

Yet, slowly, he started to fall for one Tachibana Makoto without realizing it.

Makoto…

A kind Makoto. Smiling Makoto. Scared Makoto. Silly Makoto.

Slowly and surely, Makoto's presence became bigger and bigger until it finally became unbearable.

Oo~~**~~oO

Makoto who clung to Haruka that day was something that Rin was never able to forget.

He could only stare, eyes widening, when Makoto broke down completely in front of him as he kept on clinging to Haruka who tried his best to support the usually cheerful-if not a bit weak hearted-boy. Makoto, who cried and looked terrified. Makoto… who was Haruka's.

There was a sharp pain in his chest, as if something pierced him on the heart when he saw how close Haruka and Makoto were. Obviously, that was not the first time Rin noticed their closeness—however, it was his first time that Rin understood that he will never be able to replace Haruka no matter how hard he tried. The first time he felt that kind of pain.

And suddenly—when he saw Haruka turned around to hug Makoto close—the realization of what is his feeling for Makoto finally sunk in.

.

_He didn't like it_. He didn't like how Makoto always sticks close to Haruka.

He wanted Makoto to notice him just like how Makoto noticed Haruka.

Care for him like he cared for Haruka.

To become Makoto's number one.

Oo~~**~~oO

It was ocean that terrified Makoto.

It was ocean that took away Rin's father too.

And somehow, it made him feel somewhat as if he had a closer connection to Makoto.

.

"Makoto, are you okay? Rin asked, looking worriedly at Makoto who laid in his bed with flushed face due to his fever.

Makoto grinned at Rin, waving the boy closer to the bed. "I am fine, Rin-chan," the older boy said. "Only a tiny fever."

"In summer?"

"Well, at least it wasn't cold. It would be hell if I had caught a cold in summer."

Rin smiled at the ever-optimistic boy, inwardly wincing when he remember what Makoto's mother told him.

.

_"Thank you Rin-chan, for visiting Makoto," she had said, smiled softly at Rin. "And thank you for the fruit."_

_"Aunty, what happened to Makoto?"_

_"Ah…"_

.

"Makoto, your mom said that your fever happened because you felt agitated over the incident in ocean," Rin started as he sat on Makoto's bed—turning his head away when he noticed that Makoto's face suddenly turned blue in horror.

"Rin-chan…"

"Haru also told me that you couldn't swim anymore… are you scared of water now, Makoto?"

Slowly, Rin turned his head to directly stare at Makoto who peered at Rin's direction with glossy eyes, wet with unshed tears. A sad smile that adorned Makoto's face made Rin instantly reached out to grasp the boy's hand. "It is embarrassing," Makoto said, gripping Rin's hand back as if to look for something to cling onto—and it hurt Rin's heart to remember how tightly Makoto clung to Haru previously. "That grandpa is… was very kind to me. And instead of being sad that he is gone… I feel scared… scared…"

"Makoto…"

.

Rin will never forget the Makoto on that day.

The Makoto who cried and looked so scared and…

It was cruel and strange… but that day, Rin loved Makoto even more.

Oo~~**~~oO

When Rin decided that he will go to Australia, deep inside his heart, he wished for Makoto to stop him. If Makoto had tried to stop him, Rin know he will become happy. Happier…

He knew he did all of this for his dream—so he could follow his father's foot step. And maybe… maybe he would able to see his father's face once again. But it hurt him to leave his little sister behind. To leave his friends behind. To leave Makoto with Haru.

Or maybe… maybe… if he stayed true to his dream, he might able to forget about his feeling for Makoto and he might able to reach his dreams at the same time. And then, he didn't have to feel the strange mixture of rivalry, envy, and jealousy—not to mention, slight hate—for Haru anymore. Haru, after all, was also his most important friend.

.

"Good bye, Makoto."

.

But he couldn't… he can't…

He can't move on… not yet.

Not before he beat Haru at least once in swimming. If he could… if he could… maybe he could move on from his feeling for Makoto. Maybe he could also move on from the strange burden on his shoulder every time he swam alone in Australia, without his closest friends.

Alone…

_Alone…_

Without Makoto. Without Haruka. Without Nagisa.

Without their laughs… without their smiling faces…

.

_He was lonely…_

Oo~~**~~oO

That time, he lost from Haruka.

For Haruka or other who look at it, Rin cried because he felt sad, angry, and just plain disappointed that he still couldn't win against Haruka even after he went to study in Australia. But it was more than that.

It also his pride… also his feeling for Makoto…

For Rin, winning against Haruka is almost the same as competing for Makoto.

Because Rin knew, for Haruka, swimming and Makoto are almost equally important.

And it hurt his feeling… hurt his feelings…

That was why from that day on, he never showed his face to Haruka again. Or to Makoto and Nagisa… no matter how much he wanted to see them. No matter how much he wanted to talk to Makoto again.

After all, if he still couldn't beat Haruka in swimming… he had no face to show to Makoto.

.

Years after that… his feeling for Makoto was still unchanging.

He still clung tightly to the image of young green-eyed boy with a kind smile who always offered his hand to help Rin, and especially Haruka, out of the pool.

The image eternally stayed as a boy on Rin's mind and never grew up on.

And Rin knew, _suspected_, because the one he was in love with was the boy Makoto—if… if he see the current Makoto… if he see how much Makoto was changing… it won't matter. He won't fall for the current Makoto. The Makoto he loved is the Makoto in his memory.

Even though Rin knew Makoto might still be the same kind Makoto he remembered… it will be hard for Rin to accept the changes on Makoto.

Or so he thought.

Oo~~**~~oO

_Makoto was still the same Makoto._

.

Contrary to what Rin believed… when he saw Makoto after years of not meeting him nor hearing about the olive green-haired boy, he know that Makoto did not change.

Yes, Makoto grew up. The droopy green eyed teenager has a solid built and more matured than the Makoto that stayed in Rin's memories for four years. But he didn't change much in the inside. Rin could tell. Can tell that he is still the weak-hearted, cowardice Makoto. Still the Makoto who smiled at him and called him Rin-chan. Still the Makoto who always clung to Haruka when scared.

Rin knew, because Haruka and Nagisa also had not changed much-that he was the only one who changed. The only one strayed away from the path they once walk together. Laughing together…

_It was lonely…_

And didn't take long for Rin to fall in love with the present Makoto.

Makoto… who still reached out to help Haruka out of the poll. Makoto, who still smiled kindly at him. Makoto, who was still saying kind words to Nagisa.

Makoto…

"Because Makoto was still Makoto… huh…"

Oo~~**~~oO

Sitting in his bed, Rin looked blankly at his cell phone that still blinking and playing the voice message Makoto left for him. In all honesty, what Rin wanted to do is stood up and walked to his desk and answered Makoto's call. Wanted to just run and meet him—to hear his voice. To listen to his laugh.

But as long as he was still the coward he was now… as long as he is still afraid…

There was no way he will able to talk to Makoto.

.

Weeks after that, in the summer—what Rin was most afraid of happened.

The accidental meet with Gou wasn't the problem, in all honesty, he was quite glad to meet his little sister. What made him afraid and worried is what Gou had told him.

Makoto and Ocean…

Ocean and Makoto…

Makoto, drowning…

Makoto… terrified…

And so, without thinking, he had asked if Makoto was fine with that. Makoto… the Makoto who clung behind Haru at the mention of swimming? Makoto, who laid in his bed with fever because of his agitation and fear of the ocean?

Makoto, who cried and looking scared…

.

It was still fresh in Rin's mind and quite honestly, when the night came and a storm appeared—it took all he had to calm down and assured himself that Makoto will be fine. That Haruka and Nagisa—especially Haruka—will take care of Makoto.

That Makoto was growing up and changing…

.

When morning came and Rin finally couldn't contain himself, he quickly put his sneakers on and started his usual morning jog.

And what greeted him in the beach made his heart clenched in pain and loneliness.

Watching Haruka, Nagisa, and Makoto—along with a new guy—swimming and laughing and looked happy together… it reminded Rin of their old days. In their childhood.

_Lonely._

He was now alone… yet he knew it was his choice. His own choice that he was now standing alone…

"MAKOTO!" he called suddenly, letting his instinct took over. "MAKOTO!"

The green-eyed boy looked surprised and turned his head to stare at Rin for a second before making a maneuver, swimming towards Rin. The brownish red haired boy stood still in the beach, holding his breath and willing his feet to not move. His red eyes focused solely on Makoto in attempt to not chicken out and just bolt away—thus why he did not notice nor care about how there is another pair of eyes that fixated themselves on him.

"Rin," Makoto says, smiling kindly at Rin when he finally stood in front of the shorter teen. "Good morning—Rin?"

He sounded concerned…

And Makoto had every right to be—with Rin suddenly gripping both of his arms with enough strength to hurt. With the way the hands that grip him trembled. With how Rin avoided to look him in the eyes.

Makoto was kind… kind…

"Are you… okay?" Rin asked—glad that his voice did not give him away.

Makoto blinked at Rin, almost asked what his childhood friend meant before it dawned on him suddenly. "Oh—I am fine," the droopy eyes boy said, smiling kindly at Rin. "Thank you for asking—I am fine, Rin. You don't need to worry—"

"OF COURSE I NEED TO WORRY YOU STUPID!" Rin shouted, still not looking at Makoto's eyes when he brought himself closer and wrapped Makoto in an awkward hug—not caring that he would become wet. "Of course… I worry…"

Stunned, Makoto could do nothing but staring down at the younger teenager—before his eyes softened and he let out a small genuine smile. "Yes, of course you will worry," Makoto says softly, returning the hug. "I am sorry—I know you will worry. The both of you. Haru, too, I mean."

Rin can feel his heart skipped a beat before an ugly expression—a mixture of anger and jealousy and worry and…—appeared in his handsome face. Rin then proceeded to tighten his embrace on Makoto. He tried his best not to feel hurt from Makoto's words, but it still did. It stung… it hurt him… very much…

"Makoto," he softly said, willing his wet eyes to do nothing further. "Makoto…"

"Rin?"

Without saying anything, Rin pushed himself away from Makoto. The taller man, in shock, let Rin go without any restrain. Makoto didn't even react when Rin pulled his head down and smashed their lips together in a bruising kiss.

They can barely heard the surprised shouts around them.

.

Rin could feel that his face flushed—his breath labored because of the adrenalin and nervousness when he pulled away from Makoto's lips. Still staring at the wide eyed boy, Rin said hoarsely, "Makoto—go out with me."

The droopy green eyes blinked furiously for full five seconds before the owner let out an audible 'Huh?' and returning the red eyes boy's stare.

"I like you," Rin gritted out, the tip of his ears burning. "I like you—go out with me."

The brownish red haired boy knew that he will regret his actions and words later. He will regret and agonize over it later. Later, after Makoto rejected him outright and when he had been reminded that he had no chance to begin with. Not with Haruka.

"O… kay…"

"Huh?"

Rin blinks stupidly at Makoto who smiles gently at him—his blush subdued and a confused expression taking turn to dominate his face. Before it turned into rage.

"You—idiot," he hissed, pointing his finger at Makoto—the older teenager's answer definitely not something Rin expected. "Don't joke with me—I am serious!"

"Me too," Makoto says honestly, a light blush in his face. "I like you, Rin—you are a good friend. And I am not seeing anyone. So I think… because Rin is kind, I think trying to going out with you is not bad."

Stunned at the Makoto's answer—the answer that is so like Makoto—Rin couldn't help but let out a hysterical chuckle. Rin knew, he know with Makoto's personality, it will be hard for Makoto to turn down girls that confessed to him. Makoto's own mother even called his son wishy-washy because Makoto just couldn't choose and merely going with the flow. Rin knew it didn't mean much—Makoto agreed to going out with him. And in all honestly, it is beyond all he ever dared to hope so far. He knew it mean almost nothing… with Makoto still think of Rin as just a mere 'good friend'.

But Rin couldn't help but let the moment sweep him and felt happiness.

It was absurd and he knew it. It will end somehow—because it had started just like this. He never even dare to imagine… but…

Makoto, in a sense, is now his.

.

"Damn it, Makoto…"

"Rin… are you okay?"

Oo~~**~~oO

Both of the teenagers never noticed how one pair of deep blue eyes that had been staring at them hardened.

.

Haru never knew about love and the likes—in all honestly, he thought that they are troublesome. As long as he has water, he will be fine.

He won't end up alone too, not with Makoto persistently always staying on his side.

So then, why, there was an ugly, roaring feeling in his heart when he heard Rin called for Makoto—when Makoto obediently went to Rin, when Rin clings to Makoto… and when Rin hugged and kissed Makoto…

He didn't understand what his feelings is except that he felt angry at Rin for touching Makoto and for Makoto to let Rin touch him.

And the feeling of rivalry for Rin inside him spiked and boiled in rage and… hurt.

.

_Makoto… is going to disappear?_

.

"Haru-chan, will it be okay?" Nagisa asked hesitantly, swimming closer to Haru-chan who still stared at the laughing Rin-chan and confused Mako-chan from afar with a hard glare that told Nagisa everything.

Rei-chan and himself had been discussing among themselves about what the two older teenager had talked about in the distance—there was no way they could hear their conversation, but Rei-chan had mentioned that ("Because Makoto-senpai was still there and Matsuoka-ani is laughing…") Rin-chan probably just asked Mako-chan out. And that Mako-chan had agreed to go out with Rin-chan.

Nagisa knew that Haru-chan feel affected if that was true—Haru-chan will feel affected even if that not true. With Rin-chan kissing Mako-chan and all.

He, himself, knew very much that he is affected. Mako-chan is a good guy, though, so there was no question why Rin-chan able to have feeling for Mako-chan. Well, if what Rei-chan said was true, though.

"Why?" Haru-chan answered, turning around and swimming away—not even sparing Nagisa a glance. "It is not my problem."

"Ah, Haru-chan!"

.

Haruka knew that it was true—that it wasn't his problem.

But the strange feeling in his heart just won't go away.

Oo~~**~~oO

"It won't change anything about the club," Makoto said, smiling gently at the three of them. "Although it might change something between Kou-chan and I…"

Gou, indeed, is glaring daggers at the back of Makoto's head with her hands folded in front of her chest. Haru, briefly glancing at their manager and ignoring the sigh of both Nagisa and Rei, reaching out to pull Makoto's shirt sleeve.

"Makoto—"

"Haru, just focus on swimming," Makoto gently says. "What is between Rin and I will stay between the two of us. I will try my best so it won't affect you and the rest."

But it's already affecting me, Makoto…

.

The warm smile on Makoto's face never wavered—and that was what made Haru able to turn around and let his conflicted, unknown, strange emotion forgotten for the sake of swimming.

Oo~~**~~oO

Rin juggled his phone in boredom, wondering if he should call or if he should wait to be called. Barely a day and the only time when he didn't think of Makoto is when he was swimming. Barely a day and he already longed to hear Makoto's voice again—to make sure that it wasn't a dream, that everything was real. That Makoto is indeed now his.

Rin knew his roommate is hovering awkwardly in the door, opening and closing his mouth to talk to Rin. But if Rin was careless now—

"Sen—"

And the phone in Rin's hand suddenly rang, making Rin almost lose his grip and dropped it in surprise and his underclassman closing his mouth mid-word. Looking almost apologetic to Nitori who shrugged and pointing at Rin's phone, the upperclassman turned around to peer at his phone's screen to look at who was calling him.

Frowning, Rin brought the phone close to his ear to answer it. "Gou?" he asked, wondering what his little sister wanted.

"It is me, Makoto," the voice from the other side answer—Rin could feel his frown deepened. "Good afternoon, Rin."

Rin, standing up from his bed, then walking out from the room brushing Nitori inside to the room and looking around to make sure that the corridor is void from any bystander before closing the door behind him. "Makoto?" he hissed, frown still in his face. "What are you doing with Gou's phone?"

There was an awkward and nervous laugh come from Makoto. "Eh," he says. "Haru took hold on my phone—Nagisa was looking through it now. So, I borrow Kou-chan's phone. I promised I will call you, am I not?"

His back of neck slowly burnt in embarrassment, the brownish red haired teenager let out a loud sigh. "Makoto—let's talk."

"Okay," Makoto says kindly—and Rin could imagine the warm smile Makoto has in his face.

"What happens between us now… it won't change anything between Haruka and me. I still want to beat Haruka… and I…"

"I know, it will stay between us—Rin?"

"… I am sorry, Makoto."

And there, come again one of Makoto's reassuring laugh. "Rin, don't worry," he says. "You didn't force me into anything. I agree to go out with you because I want to. It will be fine."

"But I mean," Rin says, awkwardly looking around the corridor. "It is strange isn't it? For your male childhood friend to ask you out… out of the blue like that? Aren't you a bit surprised or something?"

"Ah, I am surprised, but it will be fine," Makoto assured. "Let just see what it lead us in the future—Rin, I must let you know that I will try my best to not favor you over the others if that's fine with you?"

Rin let out a sharp breath, know that it is not strange for Makoto to say that. After all…

"It will be fine. Makoto… what is your feeling for me?"

"You are a good friend, Rin. I like you."

.

Friend…

Of course… he is still only Makoto's friend…

Oo~~**~~oO

Haru rarely came to Makoto's house by himself and unannounced, yet it is not unusual either because Haru is already part of the Tachibana as long as they are concerned. Makoto's parents and twin siblings already regarded Haru as one of themselves. So, when Haru was ushered inside by Makoto's father, it is Haru who was surprised when he saw Makoto getting ready to go outside.

After all, Makoto rarely went outside without Haru.

"Going somewhere?" Haru asked nonchalantly, lifting Ran who had been running around on his feet along with Ren.

Makoto smiled sheepishly at Haru, zipping the thin jacket he wore up. "Ah, yeah," Makoto says, ruffling Ren's head when the said younger sibling tackled him from behind. "Careful, Ren. I have an appointment. Sorry, Haru."

The black haired teenager shrugged. "It is not as if we always have to be together—Ran!"

"Sorry!" Ran chirped, releasing her hold on Haru's hair.

Makoto laughed at their interaction—as he finished tying his shoelaces and standing up, with Ren still clinging to his back. The eldest of the siblings then reached back so that he was now giving a piggy-back ride to his younger sibling. "I am glad that you came, though," Makoto said, adjusting Ren's position so he won't slip and fall down. "Mum always wanted to have lunch with you. Okay, Ren. I will give you a ride until the gate, after that, you could go and attack Dad. Agree?"

"Un!"

"Ah! I want too! I want too!" Ran said excitedly, in which Haru only able to sigh in defeat and followed Makoto out.

And stunned speechless when he saw a figure that turned to be the back of one Matsuoka Rin talking to Makoto's father.

"Rin?" Makoto calls out, surprise clear in his voice—and it strangely made Haru let out a sigh of relief.

Yes, there was no way Makoto's appointment is with Rin—

"I thought we will meet in the beach?"

-only for it to be crushed down abruptly.

Rin turned around to face Makoto, something flashed in his red eyes when he saw Haru hovering beside Makoto. Haru, for all he is worth, staring back at Rin with his bored blue eyes. The staring went on for a few second before Rin turned away, his expression upset.

"… It'd be quicker if I pick you," Rin says with false bravado—Haru could tell, after all, as Rin's rival, he understood Rin more than Rin thought he did.

"Okay, down now Ren," Makoto says, crouching down and let Ren jumping mid-way to run to their father. "Uh, okay—sorry, Haruka. I am going, Ran, Ren, Dad!"

"Take care."

And then Makoto walked away, Rin in his side and waving Makoto's father good bye.

Makoto's back… slowly getting smaller and smaller before disappearing from Haruka's view.

Oo~~**~~oO

Even though Rin is the one who walked beside Makoto—he still couldn't help but feel that there is something wrong. Something…

That made him feel incredibly jealous.

It might be the fact that Haruka was free invite himself in and out of Tachibana's residence. How he seemed to be a part of the family already. How… he and Makoto looked like a perfect couple just now.

"Rin?"

Rin gasped in surprise, turning his head sharply to look at the source of the voice. Only to take a few steps back when he noticed how close the green eyes boy's face to his. "MAKOTO!" he shouted, playfully kicking Makoto's shin.

Grinning painfully, the older boy reaching his hand out for Rin. "Shall we?"

.

Rin blinked at the hand offered to him…

_And remembered…_

.

Makoto, on his twelfth years of age, reaching out his hand for someone inside the pool.

Haruka, same age, reaching out to take the hand and climb out from the pool.

.

Makoto, from not long ago, smiling and reaching out for Haruka.

And Haruka, just like he always had, accepted the offered hand without hesitation.

.

And now, the hand is offered to Rin. Not to Haruka—but to Rin.

Looking down to hide his smile, the red-eyed boy quickly grabbed Makoto's hand.

Oo~~**~~oO

"Makoto, where are you going?" Haruka sharply said when he noticed the older boy climbs out of the pool hurriedly with Gou offering a towel at him, still glaring daggers at Makoto at every chance she got.

Makoto looked apologetic to Haruka, Nagisa, and Rei. "Sorry," he says hurriedly. "But the training time has ended already right? And I have a promise with Rin."

"Eh, eh, Mako-chan," Nagisa sang, swim closer to Makoto without care. "Is this a date? A date?"

Blushing, Makoto waved Nagisa away and shouted his goodbye to them before he ran off. Rei looked interested, he then also swam to where Gou stood and asked the girl innocently enough, "So, senpai is really dating your brother?"

Gou let out a pout that changed into a soft smile. "I guess," Gou says, shrugging. "My brother looks happy…"

No one noticed how Haruka's eyes turned dark when he resumed with swimming.

.

_… Makoto…_

.

Rin, taking Makoto's hand.

Rin, laughing with Makoto.

Rin, walking away with Makoto.

Rin… taking away Makoto from Haruka.

"Makoto! _Makoto_!"

"Sorry, Haru! I have a promise with Rin. Later, okay?"

Makoto… who slowly but surely drifted away from Haruka.

It irked him—it made Haruka angry—that Makoto spend less and less time with him and more and more time with Rin. It come to Haruka notice that Makoto's visit to his home reduced little by little. Now that he had to share Makoto with Rin.

And it made Haruka angry. Angry.

_And jealous._

Before this, Makoto was only his—only Haruka's.

Makoto was a good friend, also a good boyfriend. He split his time evenly between Rin and Haruka—and Haruka knew that. He knew that the time when he had to share Makoto with someone will come. Yet, he didn't know how big of a situation and change it was until now.

The black haired teenager only noticed how much time Makoto spent with him now when the olive green haired teenager spent not as much anymore with Haruka. He now noticed how big the presence of Makoto in his life now that Makoto is starting to pull away—something that Haruka wishes every time the older boy become too overbearing.

Makoto, who was always smiling. Makoto, who understood Haruka better than anyone.

_Makoto…_

Who walked away with Rin.

Makoto…

Whom Haruka might love more than he should have.

.

But it was already too late…

Oo~~**~~oO

Between Rin and Makoto, there was Haruka.

Rin knew that, of course Rin had known that.

However, it didn't mean that the pain lessened.

"Makoto?"

"Ah, Rin? I am sorry. I am with Haruka—he has fever so… yeah, sorry. I will pay you back. Thank you, Rin."

Rin knew how kind Makoto can be. How utterly fair he could be.

Makoto usually never broke his promise with Rin for Haruka and vice versa. But Makoto was still Haruka's childhood friend. The only one Haruka could count on—and it hurt Rin because Makoto will run to Haruka when the black haired teenager called Makoto because one reason or another. Because Haruka needed Makoto.

It made Rin jealous. It made him hurt. It make him sad.

Because even now, he was still not Makoto's first priority.

.

But Rin knew that he couldn't ask for more…

Makoto was by his side…

It was supposed to be more than enough.

Oo~~**~~oO

Jealousy—Rin and Haru are both jealous of each other.

Envy—because they think the other is Makoto's priority.

Hurt—because they were afraid that Makoto will walk away from them completely.

.

"I won't let you have Makoto."

Red eyes meet blue. And in an instant both knew that the other felt the same way.

Rin, hurt because he could never replace Haru's place on Makoto's heart. Haru, hurt because Rin stole someone whom he thought will always stay by his side.

.

In Haru's mind, Makoto who walked away from him was not something he could accept easily.

Makoto, after all, the only one who was able to stay beside Haru all those time.

.

Rin was always waiting. Cowardly hoping that Makoto would look at him.

And when he already have Makoto after years of wishing, he won't let him go easily.

.

Afraid of losing.

Afraid of letting go.

Afraid to be left alone.

Afraid. Afraid. Afraid.

But the time to let go will come.

.

Rin was scared—in all honestly he is not ready to let go.

But he knew he have to let go. Sooner or later—after all Makoto is not originally his. He know that. He knew that. Yet he stubbornly hoped that Makoto will… stay by his side…

"Because Rin needed me."

Rin heard Makoto once told Haruka that when Haruka asked why Makoto agreed to go out with Rin. And Rin knew that true. As pathetic as he sound, as soft at it is… as selfish as it is…

Because Haruka always selfishly had everything Rin ever wanted—not that Haruka was to blame but yet there was no one else for Rin to direct the fault on—the red-eyed teenager knew that Haruka won't understand. Haruka needed Makoto too but Makoto was always there with Haruka from the start so he wouldn't know nor understood Rin's feeling.

Love that grew little by little. Growing slowly and surely.

Longing that could never be able to reach Makoto.

And when Makoto… if Makoto chose Rin over Haruka…

Rin don't need anything else.

.

"Let see who Makoto will choose, then, Haru," Rin says—turning away from Haruka.

Scared… scared…

Scared that Makoto will not coming back to him.

Oo~~**~~oO

Makoto looked at Haru with wide eyes, while Haru bravely stared back at the droopy eyed boy. "Haru…?"

"I told you already," Haru says.

"I… I am sorry, Haru… I…"

"… You don't love me?" Haru asked, feeling hurt somehow by the way Makoto turning his head away to avoid eye contact.

"It is just… I am sorry—I already have Rin…"

"Makoto… you are too kind…"

"I am sorry, Haru…"

.

Haruka always knew that it will end like this—but he won't giving up easily. Makoto was still his best friend and he knew Makoto won't leave him.

As long as he was still Makoto's friend… Rin won't…

Makoto wouldn't leave him completely.

He would still have Makoto for himself, somehow.

.

Rin reached out to hug Makoto close and burried his face in the older man's shoulder. Not caring about anything at all, the brownish red eyed teenager was only glad that Makoto was back. He was back for him.

"You won't leave…?"

"Rin…"

Makoto didn't answer Rin's question, but it was enough for now.

.

"It is bad," Makoto whisper to himself, looking up to the night sky. "Both Rin and Haru… I… think I just did something wrong."

.

"We are still friend," Haru said, stealing a glance at Rin. "And we are too, Makoto."

"Haru—"

"Makoto, stop," Rin bit as he threw a glare at the aforementioned teenager. "It will be fine. Just give us time."

"I—"

"Makoto. Don't."

.

"Stay with me," Rin said—and Makoto didn't have the strength to deny Rin's request.

He knew… he had always hurt Rin and Haru. And he knew…

Whatever he did, it won't be able to… to pay them back.

He loved both of them—he liked both of them…

And it hurt him to hurt the other because he choose another.

If he could… he will let the two of them go—because they were too good for him.

Oo~~**~~oO

"MAKOTO!" Haru let out a scream, body moving in automatic when he saw how Makoto's body getting limp—blood oozes from his head.

It happened so fast—

Haru was just walking away with Makoto beside him… climbing up the stair one by one and talking like usual…

And suddenly Makoto lost his footing and fell down.

Fall down…

"MAKOTO!" he call, frantically running down and kneeling beside Makoto—reaching for the older boy's hand to look for pulse… too afraid to move his head.

"Makoto…" he whisper hoarsely, tears threatened to spill from his eyes—Haru's usually bored and impassive face morphed into one of horror and fear.

.

"Nii-chan, Makoto-senpai fell and in critical condition."

Simple, just like that.

A phone call from Gou that made Rin bolted out from his classroom—leaving his belongings behind. A simple phone call that made Rin hurriedly looking for taxi and drove away to the hospital.

A simple phone call that made Rin's heart stopped for second before beating wildly in fear.

He was going to lose Makoto…

.

"Auntie!" Rin screamed—halted in mid-run when he saw the grieving expressions on the people that sat or stood around the ICU room.

Auntie and uncle's sad face, Ren and Ran and Gou's tears filled face, Nagisa and a female teacher Rin did not recognize but bear the same wet eyes regardless, the glasses boy's sobbing in the corner.

And Haru who stood motionless in front of the closed door.

.

"Makoto…"

.

_Is he gone…?_

Oo~~**~~oO

Years after that…

When Rin finally reached the end of the poll—he let out a loud happy laugh.

"Father, I did it," he whispered to himself before closing his eyes and adding softly, "Makoto, I did it."

Years had passed since that day—the day that change everything.

Makoto…

It still hurt Rin to think about that day. But he would be fine now. He would be fine.

After all… even though it hurt. Even though it was scary…

Even though he had to…

"Rin."

Smiling softly, Rin opened his eyes and reaching out to grasp the hand that been offered to him. "Makoto," he says, grinning.

The green-eyed man smiling warmly at Rin and puled him out of the poll. "Congratulation, Rin," he said. "Your dream finally came true."

.

"_It would be fine," the doctor said, coming out suddenly from the room; making the occupants of the waiting room jumped in surprise. "Tachibana-san?"_

"_Yes, sensei," Makoto's father said—standing up and walking to the doctor hurriedly. "Makoto is…?"_

"_He will be fine," the doctor said. "He needs to be monitored here for a several days to weeks in the worst case—but it wouldn't damage him permanently."_

"_Really?" Haru asked, his face still pale._

_The doctor nodded, looking around the room. "Tachibana Makoto-san keep calling for 'Haru' and 'Rin', though—so if any of you—"_

"_Yes," both Rin and Haru said together and cornered the doctor._

"_Back away, back away," the old man said, sighing heavily. "Come inside, it will be fine now."_

_._

_When Haru and Rin both saw the condition of Makoto—pale and limp and been connected to various machine with various cables and wires—it took their all to not run to the green eyed boy and shook him to make sure he was indeed alive._

"_Haru… Rin…" came the hoarse whisper from the figure from the bed. "I am so sorry—"_

"_Makoto—" Rin said, before Haru cut him with quickly walking and holding one of Makoto's hand._

_Gulping down the anger and jealousy—which was easy when the emotion dominating his mind was not just worry—Rin quickly walked and knelled on Makoto's other side, brushing the hair away from Makoto's forehead, all the while careful of the thick gauze around._

_The droopy green eyes opened slowly, blurry and unfocused. But, when it found both Rin and Haruka, the owner smiled warmly. "I am sorry," Makoto said. "I am sorry."_

"_It's not your fault," Haru said. "Accidents happen."_

"_It is not about this, Haru-chan," the older boy said weakly. "I am sorry I hurt you and Rin-chan."_

"_Makoto," Rin hissed sharply. "Don't—"_

"_Rin… lets end it," Makoto smiled at Rin, serene and calm—and hurt._

_It hurt Rin to hear what Makoto said. It hurt him._

"_Haru too," Makoto said. "Forget about your feeling for me—both of you. I don't—"_

"_Stop it," Haru cut Makoto, looking down at their intertwined hands. "Stop it, Makoto."_

"_Don't," Rin said again, his hold on Makoto's hand tightened. "Don't you dare—"_

"_Makoto, my feeling is my own—you have no right to tell me what to do with my feeling," Haru said angrily. "I don't ask you to answer my feeling—not now, not in the future—except if you can. So let me… let me, Makoto."_

"_Don't. Don't, Makoto. Don't let me go—not again," Rin said when he brought Makoto hand up and kissed it. "Please—it will be fine. Both of us will be fine."_

"_I can't… Haru-chan… Rin-chan… I can't."_

"_Shut it," Haru said, standing up and turning away to the door. "Makoto—you made Rin cry again."_

You, Haruka, is the one who cry.

_Rin has thought-_

_But then Haruka walked away—just like that. And Rin wiped away his face, noticed that he indeed cried._

"_Rin—"_

"_Shut up…"_

_And Rin hugged Makoto gently—whispering again and again for Makoto to never let him go. "I will be fine," Rin said. "As long as I am with you."_

_And then… kind and weak-hearted Makoto…_

_Kind and weak-hearted Makoto who was only able to give up and accept it._

_Because Makoto didn't want to see Rin cry again._

_._

_Haruka had cried that day._

_Cried._

_Yet he also swore to himself that it will be the last time._

_Haruka knew that above anything—above his own feeling—as selfish as he is… he only wished for Makoto's happiness. And he didn't want to burden Makoto with choices. Not with Makoto's personality._

_Not because Makoto will turn away from them both than choose himself._

_So that was why, Haru will always love Makoto—because his feelings won't disappear easily._

_He would love Makoto, and store away all his feeling inside his heart so he didn't need to remember. So even if he fell with another, he will still think of Makoto as someone important. Someone special._

_Because Makoto is like that for him._

_Always, and forever._

"_I wish you happiness, Makoto."_

.

And Rin, laughing happily in Makoto's arms—the golden medallion hung on his neck.

Rin knew that it will end, someday, somewhere.

But for now…

For now...

As long as Makoto was with him…

"Makoto, I love you."

.

.

.The End


End file.
